There is a belief among men that women are non-visual. This is an idea that men need to throw away. See: http://sexuality.about.com/b/2006/06/19/new-brain-research-challenges-the-myth-that-men-are-more-visual-than-women.htm
It’s true: very few women spend time ranking pictures of good-looking men so there is seems to be some kind of difference on the topic. Men’s experience trying to get their girlfriends to enjoy pornography also suggests some kind of difference between the sexes but…. do not think for a second that women do not enjoy the men they meet in a visual way. Appearance is definitely a turn-on for women. Don’t worry. It’s not about buying the right suit or wearing expensive stuff. It’s about displaying your manliness – and that’s easy if you are a man! If the sexual spark is dimming in your relationship, pay a bit more attention to this in yourself. (Maybe it will inspire her to take some better care of herself – without having one of those delicate discussions about her losing weight or wearing more dresses…).
Doing physical things helps women notice what is masculine about you – your remarkable compact power. We do not have this and find it miraculous and fascinating in you. Watching you build something or move something is like a fashion show for us. Modern desk and screen-centred life does not showcase your most amazing attributes! Do not let computer work and video-games hide your beautiful masculine power!
Reminder: Skewed survey data will give you a complex!
Research on attractiveness and sexuality is usually from surveys of American undergraduates. If you are worrying about your baldness or some other inevitable attribute of being a man, remember that women your own age generally find their male peers attractive. A twenty-year old (eg. undergraduate psych student) woman may not find baldness attractive but most of the women in your social circle probably don’t even think about it as they look for a happy relationship. After a breakup, it is hard to remember that straight women actually enjoy men but it is true! Whatever it is that makes you a man is basically attractive to straight women.
Why women always want to go out somewhere
It’s because we want to see you in a suit. Really. You all look good in a suit/dress jacket. We want to see you in a suit/dress jacket. We want to see you interacting with strangers so that we can glimpse the part of you we never see when we are alone together. That evocation of your ultimate unknowability – the mysterious person you were before we got together and who you ultimately still are. We also want an excuse to dress up in something nice and then….we want to get home and undress each other! Find excuses to take your lady somewhere that requires you to dress up and you will improve your sex life. This is what women mean when they want to ‘do something romantic’. Simple.
Obesity hides much of what makes you manly
My theory is that men who are overweight exhibit feminine features such as breasts and a pregnant-like belly. This together with the usual male features is confusing and therefore not especially attractive. The main point for guys who are wondering what women want in this department: avoid looking feminine. Think about it: it is also the easiest thing: If you accentuate your masculine features, you will be physically attractive to lots of women. Sure, attraction is complex and maybe you are not model-material but remember that straight women are, by definition, attracted to men who look like men.
Women notice uniquely masculine features eg: shoulders, jawlines, muscles. Stay reasonably trim and these will all be obvious enough for women to appreciate. You do not need to be Mr. Universe. In fact, you cannot look like anything but a man – provided you make a point of avoiding behaviors that foster weight gain.
There are zillions of pages about weight loss and obesity and if you are struggling with this, you’ve already read them. The most interesting things I’ve read about this are on how naturally thin people are less susceptible to peer pressure around food. Just because everyone else is eating doesn’t mean you have to. Check your body and find out if you are full or hungry. Only you know what your body needs! According to a recent study, the obesity epidemic of the last twenty years is very clearly about increased food intake (supersizing?) and not about more screen time or sitting in traffic. Indeed, the US Dept of Agriculture indicates that food consumption is up 16% since 1970.
Additionally, I have noticed many people who wrestle with weight gain have a compulsion to clean their plates. Antidote: Practise leaving food on your plate (and in future, put less on the plate). Better yet, buy smaller plates. Also, try to enjoy vegetables and avoid seeing them as a necessary pre-dessert evil. Watch cooking shows and learn how to cook vegetables. Some drinks and a few vegetable side dishes can very easily turn you into a star in your social circle. Sidenote: curry and beer are amazingly compatible! Also, side dishes like tapas or mezes are a great easy start.
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